Understanding “Parts” and Internal Family Systems (IFS)
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “A part of me wants to move forward… but another part feels terrified,” you’ve already touched on a core idea behind Internal Family Systems (IFS). IFS is a compassionate, powerful therapeutic model that views each person as having an internal world made up of different “parts,” each carrying its own feelings, needs, and roles.
Rather than seeing our internal conflicts as signs that something is “wrong,” IFS invites us to understand them as evidence of a complex, protective inner system doing its best to help us survive and feel safe.
What Are “Parts”?
In IFS, parts are sub-personalities or aspects of ourselves that take on specific roles. These parts are not imaginary; they show up in everyday experience—when you feel pulled in two directions, when you self-critique, or when you shut down in a moment of stress.
Have you seen the Pixar movie ‘Inside Out’? This is a great analogy to understand Parts.
While each person’s system is unique, IFS tends to describe three broad categories:
1. Proactive Parts
These parts try to keep life predictable and safe. They often plan, organize, control, or avoid risk. You might notice them as the perfectionist, the people-pleaser, the inner critic, or the logical planner.
2. Reactive Parts
Reactive Parts react quickly when we feel overwhelmed or emotionally flooded. Their goal is to extinguish emotional pain as fast as possible. They might push you toward numbing behaviours, distractions, or impulsive decisions—whatever helps you escape discomfort in the moment.
3. Parts that Carry Pain
These parts hold the burdens from earlier experiences—feelings like shame, fear, hurt, or loneliness. Because these feelings can be intense, other parts often work very hard to keep the exiles out of conscious awareness.
The Core Self
IFS rests on a hopeful belief: beneath all our protective parts, each person has a core Self—a calm, compassionate, grounded inner presence. The Self is not a part; it is who we truly are- the Spirit of God in us.
From this place, healing becomes possible. The goal is not to get rid of parts, but to help them relax, unburden pain, and take on healthier roles in the system.
IFS in Counselling
In therapy, IFS offers a gentle, curious, and non-pathologizing way to explore inner experiences. Here’s how the process often looks in session:
1. Slowing Down and Getting Curious
We begin by creating space to notice what’s happening internally. Instead of “Why am I like this?” the question becomes “What part of me is showing up right now?” This shift reduces shame and opens the door to understanding.
2. Building Relationships with Parts
As we discover a part—perhaps an anxious planner, a self-critical voice, or a protective shutdown state—we approach it with respect. Every part has a positive intention, even if its strategies are outdated or painful.
Together, we listen to what the part is trying to do for you.
3. Unburdening Old Pain
When a part is ready, we gently explore the history it carries. Often, it’s holding emotional burdens formed long ago—sometimes in childhood, sometimes through trauma or difficult relationships.
IFS offers structured steps to help these parts release what they’ve been carrying so they no longer have to operate from fear or overwhelm.
4. Helping Parts Take on New Roles
Once a part no longer feels under threat, it can shift into a healthier role—creativity instead of perfectionism, assertiveness instead of criticism, playfulness instead of avoidance.
Clients often describe a sense of internal spaciousness, self-compassion, and clarity emerging as parts relax.
IFS & Faith
We may know what God says about us or promises for our life in the Bible- that we would have peace, that we are loved, etc. Often though, these statements don’t feel congruent with our emotional experience. We may feel anxious, disconnected or unworthy.
Parts form and are shaped through experiences of pain and stress. As a result, they typically carry the emotional weight of these experiences and beliefs or lies about ourselves that are contrary to what God says about us.
When we bring these Parts of us before God, they can experience His love, peace, acceptance, and presence. This enables the truths that we read in scripture to not just live cognitively in our mind, but for all parts of us to experience it. This is something we can do together in counselling.
Why IFS Is So Transformative
IFS can be powerful because it:
Reduces shame by helping you understand why you react the way you do
Strengthens your connection with your own inner wisdom
Offers a respectful, trauma-sensitive approach
Helps you heal without re-experiencing overwhelming emotions
Encourages self-leadership—a sense of living from calm, clarity, and compassion
Can deepen intimacy with the Holy Spirit & our sense of congruence with our beliefs and faith.
Many people find that once they learn to relate to their internal world with curiosity rather than judgment, they develop a deeper sense of self-understanding and emotional resilience.
Final Thoughts
IFS provides a map for navigating the inner landscape we all carry. Instead of trying to silence, battle, or “fix” parts, this approach helps us meet them with patience and compassion.
If you’re interested in exploring IFS in counselling, I’m happy to support you as you get to know your inner world at a pace that feels safe and grounded.