Why Self-Defeating Behaviours Are Actually Trauma Adaptations
Understanding Coping Through the Lens of Janina Fisher’s Work
Many people enter therapy wondering why they keep repeating patterns that don’t serve them—pulling away from relationships, falling into self-criticism, avoiding important goals, or turning to substances or other behaviours that feel out of control. These patterns can feel confusing, frustrating, and even shameful.
But what if these “self-defeating” behaviours aren’t signs of weakness or failure?
What if they’re actually survival strategies?
Trauma Is Not Just in the Past—It Lives in the Present
Renowned trauma therapist Janina Fisher explains that trauma is not only an event that happened—it’s the imprint that experience leaves on the mind, body, and nervous system. In other words, trauma can change the way we think, feel, and react, long after the event is over.
When we experience overwhelming or unsafe situations—especially during childhood—our nervous systems adapt to help us survive. These adaptations often become automatic responses that persist into adulthood, even when they no longer serve us.
Self-Defeating Behaviours as Adaptive Responses
Behaviours like shutting down, numbing out, staying hyper-independent, over-controlling, or criticizing yourself might feel like self-sabotage—but they likely started as protective strategies. They helped you manage pain, fear, or disconnection at a time when you didn’t have better options.
For example:
A child in a volatile home may learn to emotionally detach to avoid getting hurt.
Someone who experienced abandonment may become overly self-reliant to avoid disappointment.
A person who felt unseen may seek external validation or perfectionism to feel worthy.
A person who is overwhelmed by feelings of rejection and loneliness may turn to pornography or sex , even if this doesn’t satisfy the longing for connection.
These strategies may seem harmful now, but they were born from ingenuity and survival.
Understanding “Parts” Work in Trauma Therapy
Fisher’s approach also includes what’s known as parts work—recognizing that we all carry different “parts” of ourselves shaped by past experiences. One part of you might want to grow and heal, while another part is fearful, guarded, or critical. This is not a flaw. It’s a reflection of how your inner world has adapted to protect you.
In therapy, we don’t try to silence these parts or get rid of them. Instead, we listen to them with compassion and curiosity, learning what they’re trying to do for you. Often, they’re trying to help in the only way they know how.
Healing Begins With Understanding and Compassion
Healing from trauma doesn’t mean erasing the past. It means helping your nervous system recognize that you are safe now. It means offering kindness to the parts of you that had to adapt quickly, often without support.
As you develop a deeper understanding of your patterns, you can begin to shift from shame to compassion. From self-sabotage to greater self-awareness. And from surviving to truly living in freedom.
You Are Not Broken—You Adapted
If you find yourself stuck in patterns that don’t align with who you want to be, know this:
You are not broken.
You adapted.
You were created with the ability to adapt to broken environments. God also designed us to have the capacity to heal, which occurs in relationship with people and with Him.
And with the right support, those patterns can change. Therapy can be a safe space to explore the roots of your coping, reconnect with your sense of safety, and build new ways of relating—to yourself and to others.